Concerned about someone else?

If someone comes to you for help, listen and don’t try to take control.

The following advice might help you:

• Take the person seriously and believe what they say
• Be calm and positive
• Respect their wishes at all times. Ask them what they want.
• Give them time to discuss their feelings and needs at their own pace
• Stress that they are not responsible for the abuse and that they are not alone. Emphasise that choosing not to leave does not make them responsible for further abuse
• Find out if they need medical help
• Use the For Survivors section of this website to find an organisation that can help, and guidance on how they can keep themselves safe
• Assist them in making contact with agencies who may be able to help
• Help them to keep safe by making a safety plan - could you offer to be their safe place in an emergency, or set up a code word with them? Use the For Survivors section of this website for some tips on how to make a safety plan.
• Do not push them to do anything they are not ready to do. They are probably the best judge of what the best way forward is, and what action is safe
• Assure them of your confidentiality unless there are child protection issues, which must be reported
• Check whether it is safe to contact them, and what the safest way is of keeping in touch.

Some people leave a violent and abusive relationship after only one incident.

Others may take a long time to make this change in their lives. This does not mean that the violence is less serious. It is important that if someone feels unable to leave, they continue to receive help and support and a sympathetic response. There are organisations that can help women who are not ready to leave.

Some people feel able to confide in a friend about the abuse they are suffering.

Some do not – if you think that your friend might be in a violent or abusive relationship, it’s okay to ask directly. Stress that you will keep anything they tell you confidential, and that you want to help them. Even if they do not tell you immediately, it will help them to know that there is someone they can confide in.

Does your workplace have a policy on domestic violence towards employees?

If not, think about suggesting they use our Policy template to write one, and publicise it around your work place.

The For Survivors section of this website offers more help and advice, and a list of organisations to contact