For victims and survivors

Whether you are in a violent/abusive relationship, are thinking of leaving, or have left, there are places you can turn to for help, and things you can do to help keep yourself safe:

What you can do to help keep yourself and your children safe
Planning to leave
After the relationship has ended
Your legal rights
Not sure what to do – looking for advice

People not in abusive relationships often assume that the easiest thing would be just to leave, but people find it hard to leave an abusive relationship for all sorts of reasons, the most common of which is that they don’t want to upset the children. Other reasons include: fear that the violence will continue or get worse; fear of being killed; thinking that no-one will believe them; not knowing where to go; not knowing they have rights; not wanting to lose their home or possessions; not being able to get help.

Many who do leave find that the abuse continues, that they can’t get the help they need or that their children miss their home and/or dad and so they return for these reasons. Often the abuser will not be violent all the time and the victim may think that they can manage his behaviour enough.

Finally, leaving in itself does not necessarily stop the abuse. In about half of the cases in the British Crime Survey where the victim left the perpetrator the abuse did not stop and in some cases got worse. Women are most at risk of death or serious injury when they leave a relationship

What you can do to help keep yourself and your children safe

If you or your family are in immediate danger, or if you have sustained physical injuries, call the police and emergency services on 999.

You’re probably already doing things to try to manage your partner’s abuse, without even thinking about it. You can incorporate these into a safety plan, which may include some of the following:

Tell someone you trust about what’s happening

Set up a code word that you can use with them in an emergency to get help or escape

Think about how you will leave the home safely in an emergency

Arrange a safe place to go, like a friend or family member, or a refuge. If you have nowhere else to go, you can go to the nearest police station, where they will help you find emergency accommodation.

If you think your partner is about to become violent, get to a safer room

Try to move into a room where there are no weapons (not the kitchen, for example) and where you cannot be easily trapped (not the bathroom). Try to get into a room where you have access to a phone.

Teach your children how and when to call 999 and what to say

This should include their full name, address and telephone number, and that they need the police

Prepare a bag in case you have to leave in a hurry

You might pack spare keys to your house and care, a change of clothes, important documents like deeds to the house, birth certificates, bank details and passports, your driving license, any prescribed medication, or your children’s favourite toy. Leave the bag in a safe place where it won’t be found; it might be better to leave it with a friend or family member.

Keep money and your phone with you

Keep some money for a bus or a taxi, and your mobile phone, on you all the time, or find out where the nearest public phone is.

Keep a list of emergency contacts

This should include your GP, your children’s school and your solicitor and social worker if you have one.

Keep copies of any evidence of abuse

This could include police reports, threatening letters, pictures of any damage to you or your property etc

Try to save some money

For example by putting away a little bit every week.

If you have been physically injured, go to the hospital accident and emergency department.

Planning to leave

You are at most risk of serious injury or death when you are planning to leave or have just left an abusive relationship. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t leave, just that you need to plan and take steps to keep yourself as safe as possible.

Domestic violence agencies like Next Link and Wish can help you to plan this. You could also call one of the helplines below for more advice, or specialist advice.

Some of the things to think about if you are planning to leave:

• Try to leave at a time when you know your partner will not be home
• Think about where you will go and how you will get there – will you drive, take a bus? Make sure you have enough money to pay the fare.
• If you are planning to take your children with you, think about telling the school. Will you pick them up at the end of the day? You can ask the school to make a list of people who can pick up your children, and not let them leave with anyone who isn’t on the list.
• Take what you will need with you, including your emergency bag. You may not be able to return home for some time.

Thinking about and planning to leave can take a long time. Even if you have a plan to leave, you do not have to use it immediately, or at all. However, if you do decide to leave, having a plan can mean that you have thought about and planned to overcome possibly difficulties.

After the relationship has ended

You may be living in your own home, after your abuser has moved out, or you may be living somewhere else – a refuge, rented accommodation, or with a friend or family member. Many women find that the abuse continues after they have left the relationship, making it even harder for them to try to move on. Specialist domestic violence agencies can provide support and guidance.

There are also some things you can think about to make yourself safer:

If you or your family are in immediate danger, call emergency services on 999.

Tell someone that you trust what is going on

Maybe you can ask your neighbours to look out for your ex-partner, and let you know if they see him near your house. The legal rights section below tells you about some of the legal options, including civil options, to protect yourself.

Try not to be isolated when travelling between home and work

Take well lit, busy roads, or travel with someone else. Try to alter your route and the times you travel.

Try not to use any places you used before you left

For example, the same branch of your bank, or the same supermarket. If you have any regular appointments, think about changing the dates and times of these.

Set up a separate bank account and only use the cards from this account

If you use a joint account and your ex-partner receives the statements, they may be able to track you.

You could also replace your mobile phone

Your ex-partner might have set it up so that it can be used to track you.

Make sure your home is safe

If you have reported your abuse to the police or a specialist DVA agency, you could get help from the Bobby Van service to do this.

Talk to your children’s school

Make sure they know who can pick up your children. Make sue your children understand that they should only go home with you, or someone you have said is OK.

Think about whether you could tell your employer

At least mention that they should not give out your personal details to anyone or let your ex-partner in to see you.

Tell your local police station that you are concerned about your ex-partner

If you have any kind of injunction against him, leave a copy with the police there.

Arrange with a friend or family member that, if you do not feel safe going home, you can stay with them.

Your legal rights

You may want to report the abuse to the police. Bristol has two dedicated domestic abuse referral teams:

• North Bristol (Southmead Road) 0117 945 4509
• South Bristol (Broadbury Road) 0117 845 5468

All the officers on these teams have been specially trained in supporting and working with victims of domestic abuse.

Bristol also has a specialist domestic violence court, where your case will be heard by specially trained court staff.

If you don’t want to go to court, there are civil steps that you can take to protect yourself and keep your abuser away from your home.

The Women’s Aid Survivors’ Handbook has a section on your legal rights

Lyon’s Davidson Solicitors in Bristol also specialise in domestic violence. They have information about injunctions on their website, or you can call their 24-hour advice line on 0117 904 5999.

In some cases, you may be able to register to vote anonymously. More information about registering to vote

Not sure who to turn to, or just want to talk?

If you just want someone to talk to, or aren’t sure what you want to do next, the following services may be able to help you:

National Domestic Violence helpline 0808 2000 247

Run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge, this is a national service for women experiencing domestic violence, their family, friends, colleagues and others calling on their behalf.

Bristol Domestic Abuse helpline 0800 6949 999

Free, confidential helpline for male and female victims in Bristol

Womankind helpline 0845 458 2914

Talk to another women for confidential, non-judgemental listening
This is not a 24-hour helpline – check Womankind’s website for when the helpline is open

Next Link 0117 925 0680

Refuge and support service for women and children who have been affected by or are living with domestic abuse

WISH 0117 903 8632

Support for women and men in Hartcliffe and Withywood, or Knowle West

Victim Support Avonvale 0845 456 6099

Support for women and men across the city, including through the court process if you need it

Legal Advice Line (24-hour) 0117 904 5999

Helpline run by Lyons Davidson Solicitors

Honour Network Helpline 0800 5999 247

National free and confidential helpline for victims and survivors of so-called “honour-based” crimes

Men’s Advice Line 0808 801 0327

National free confidential helpline for men who experience violence from partners/ex-partners, whether male or female

Broken Rainbow 0300 999 5428

Support for lesbian, gay, bi and trans victims and survivors of domestic abuse

Bristol Domestic Abuse Investigations Teams

Bristol has two specially trained domestic abuse police teams:

• North Bristol (Southmead Road) 0117 945 4509
• South Bristol (Broadbury Road) 0117 945 5428

Women’s Aid’s Survivors’ Handbook

BBC Relationships site

For more general or national advice, including links to advice for children.