BDAF - Bristol Domestic Abuse Forum

When a survivor asks for help and support, she or he should receive a helpful and sympathetic response from all professionals. She may be afraid, indecisive and ashamed. She may expect you to blame, disbelieve and/or judge her. She may minimise the abuse she has suffered and may be terrified that talking to you will result in Social Services trying to take her children away. Be conscious of your body language and attitude.

Women: If a female worker is available, ask her if she would prefer to talk to a woman.

Men: genuine male survivors have the same rights as women survivors. Be aware, however, that services for male survivors find that a substantial number of their callers –as many as 40% - are perpetrators disguised as survivors, so you need to ask questions carefully.

Privacy: Offer her the opportunity to talk in privacy.

Friends and family: If she has come to your office with someone else, try and ensure that you speak to her alone. The person with her –male or female – could be her abuser.

Children: If she has children with her, offer to make a later appointment if she can arrange childcare. However, if necessary be prepared to talk to her (with care) with the children there – and make sure there are toys or games available for them so you can do this comfortably. If you offer her a later appointment, make sure she understands that you are not trying to ‘put her off’.

Respect: Respect her judgement and decisions – she knows the facts better than you. Be honest with her – don’t promise what you can’t deliver.

Confidentiality: Explain clearly what your confidentiality policy is, especially with regard to child protection. Make sure she understands that you are not trying to put her off, but are being open and honest with her from the start.

Enquiries from others: Never give out information about someone else to a caller, whatever the reason they give you. It could be an abuser – or someone asking on behalf of an abuser - who is trying to get information about the whereabouts of someone who has fled.

English as a second language: If your caller’s English is hesitant, ask them whether they would like an interpreter. Your agency should have a link with a telephone language interpreting service for a first appointment; you can use this to get basic information and arrange a professional interpreter for a later appointment. Never use children to interpret.

Sensory, physical and learning impairments: Ensure that your office is accessible; if not, try to arrange another accessible meeting point where your caller feels safe to come. If they are visually impaired, make sure you have accessible materials. Remember that a disabled person’s assistant or carer may also be their abuser. If they are hearing impaired, arrange for a signer. If they have a learning impairment and need an advocate, do not talk through their partner.

Reading and writing skills: Do not presume your caller can read a leaflet, but they may be embarrassed to say they can’t. Offer to go through the leaflet with them.

Golden rules:

• Never assume – survivors know more about their abuse than you do.

• Never underestimate abusers – there is no limit to what some will do,
including lying and manipulating you.

• Ask yourself: “will my intervention increase or decrease the safety of this person?"

Thanks to Partnership Against Domestic Violence and Abuse, Bath and North East Somerset for the above information.